One day, with a sudden flash and the smell of sulfur, the Devil appeared in Senator Harry Reid’s office.
The Devil said, “I will give you money, power, the ability to impose your will on others, but you must give me your immortal soul and work for the domination of Evil over the world and the oppression on men.”
Senator Reid thought for a moment, then said, “Wait a minute! What’s the catch?”
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Showing posts with label Religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Religion. Show all posts
Obama and Bush Die of Old Age...
Years from now Obama and Bush die of old age only a second apart.
They arrive at the Pearly Gates. Obama died only one second before W so he is ahead in line.
St. Peter says to Obama, “Here are your robes of silk and your staff of gold. Welcome to Heaven”.
W steps up next. St. Peter says to Bush, “Here are your robes of cotton and your staff of wood. Welcome to Heaven”.
George asks, “St. Peter, he gets silk and gold? And I get cotton and wood?”
St. Peter says, “George, while you were President, the people slept. While Obama was President the people prayed. The Lord rewards results.”
They arrive at the Pearly Gates. Obama died only one second before W so he is ahead in line.
St. Peter says to Obama, “Here are your robes of silk and your staff of gold. Welcome to Heaven”.
W steps up next. St. Peter says to Bush, “Here are your robes of cotton and your staff of wood. Welcome to Heaven”.
George asks, “St. Peter, he gets silk and gold? And I get cotton and wood?”
St. Peter says, “George, while you were President, the people slept. While Obama was President the people prayed. The Lord rewards results.”
Pope Benedict, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad and Barack Obama are all taken up to heaven...
Pope Benedict, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad and Barack Obama are all taken up to heaven, where they stand before God’s throne.
God tells them, “You three are among the most influential men on the earth, so I have chosen you to deliver My message. I am disgusted with what the world has become, so I will destroy it in two weeks. Relay My message to everyone on the earth so they may make themselves ready.”
The Pope calls an audience at the Vatican which is televised throughout Europe. He says, “My fellow Christians, I have some good news and bad news. The good news is, our God is real; I have seen Him with my own eyes. The bad news is, He is going to destroy the earth in two weeks, so get your affairs in order before His coming.”
Ahmedinejad calls a press conference which appears on all the Arab news outlets: “My fellow Islamic holy warriors, I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that there is a God, but it is the God of the infidel Christians. The worse news is that he is destroying the earth in two weeks.”
Barack Obama calls a press conference which is carried by all the major networks (except Fox, of course; they want to earn a profit): “My fellow Americans, I have good news and great news. The good news is, God considers me one of the most influential people in the world. The great news is, we no longer have to worry about how we pay for universal healthcare.”
God tells them, “You three are among the most influential men on the earth, so I have chosen you to deliver My message. I am disgusted with what the world has become, so I will destroy it in two weeks. Relay My message to everyone on the earth so they may make themselves ready.”
The Pope calls an audience at the Vatican which is televised throughout Europe. He says, “My fellow Christians, I have some good news and bad news. The good news is, our God is real; I have seen Him with my own eyes. The bad news is, He is going to destroy the earth in two weeks, so get your affairs in order before His coming.”
Ahmedinejad calls a press conference which appears on all the Arab news outlets: “My fellow Islamic holy warriors, I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that there is a God, but it is the God of the infidel Christians. The worse news is that he is destroying the earth in two weeks.”
Barack Obama calls a press conference which is carried by all the major networks (except Fox, of course; they want to earn a profit): “My fellow Americans, I have good news and great news. The good news is, God considers me one of the most influential people in the world. The great news is, we no longer have to worry about how we pay for universal healthcare.”
An Old Priest Lay Dying in a Hospital
The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near.
“Yes, Father?” said the nurse.
“I would really like to see Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi before I die”, whispered the priest.
“I’ll see what I can do, Father” replied the nurse.
The nurse sent the request to them and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived. Harry and Nancy would be delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Harry commented to Nancy “I don’t know why
the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.” Nancy couldn’t help but agree.
When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Nancy ‘s hand in his right hand and Harry’s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face.
Finally Nancy spoke. “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?”
The old priest slowly replied “I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” The old priest continued...
“He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same.”
“Yes, Father?” said the nurse.
“I would really like to see Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi before I die”, whispered the priest.
“I’ll see what I can do, Father” replied the nurse.
The nurse sent the request to them and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived. Harry and Nancy would be delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Harry commented to Nancy “I don’t know why
the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.” Nancy couldn’t help but agree.
When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Nancy ‘s hand in his right hand and Harry’s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face.
Finally Nancy spoke. “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?”
The old priest slowly replied “I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” The old priest continued...
“He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same.”
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