I like seeing SNL finally taking some jabs at the president.
Showing posts with label Obama's Policies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Obama's Policies. Show all posts
Pope Benedict, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad and Barack Obama are all taken up to heaven...
Pope Benedict, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad and Barack Obama are all taken up to heaven, where they stand before God’s throne.
God tells them, “You three are among the most influential men on the earth, so I have chosen you to deliver My message. I am disgusted with what the world has become, so I will destroy it in two weeks. Relay My message to everyone on the earth so they may make themselves ready.”
The Pope calls an audience at the Vatican which is televised throughout Europe. He says, “My fellow Christians, I have some good news and bad news. The good news is, our God is real; I have seen Him with my own eyes. The bad news is, He is going to destroy the earth in two weeks, so get your affairs in order before His coming.”
Ahmedinejad calls a press conference which appears on all the Arab news outlets: “My fellow Islamic holy warriors, I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that there is a God, but it is the God of the infidel Christians. The worse news is that he is destroying the earth in two weeks.”
Barack Obama calls a press conference which is carried by all the major networks (except Fox, of course; they want to earn a profit): “My fellow Americans, I have good news and great news. The good news is, God considers me one of the most influential people in the world. The great news is, we no longer have to worry about how we pay for universal healthcare.”
God tells them, “You three are among the most influential men on the earth, so I have chosen you to deliver My message. I am disgusted with what the world has become, so I will destroy it in two weeks. Relay My message to everyone on the earth so they may make themselves ready.”
The Pope calls an audience at the Vatican which is televised throughout Europe. He says, “My fellow Christians, I have some good news and bad news. The good news is, our God is real; I have seen Him with my own eyes. The bad news is, He is going to destroy the earth in two weeks, so get your affairs in order before His coming.”
Ahmedinejad calls a press conference which appears on all the Arab news outlets: “My fellow Islamic holy warriors, I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that there is a God, but it is the God of the infidel Christians. The worse news is that he is destroying the earth in two weeks.”
Barack Obama calls a press conference which is carried by all the major networks (except Fox, of course; they want to earn a profit): “My fellow Americans, I have good news and great news. The good news is, God considers me one of the most influential people in the world. The great news is, we no longer have to worry about how we pay for universal healthcare.”
What is the difference between a Bush joke and an Obama Joke?
What is the difference between a Bush joke and an Obama Joke?
With a Bush joke, the joke is on him.
With an Obama joke, the joke is on US!
With a Bush joke, the joke is on him.
With an Obama joke, the joke is on US!
What is the difference between a recession, a depression, and recovery?
Recession is when your neighbor loses his job.
Depression is when you lose yours.
Recovery is when Obama loses his.
Depression is when you lose yours.
Recovery is when Obama loses his.
Obama on an Ariplane
Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, “What would you like to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about what changes I should make to America?” and he smiles.
“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know shi-?"
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, “What would you like to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about what changes I should make to America?” and he smiles.
“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know shi-?"
Why does Obama want a 40% tax on aspirin?
Q. Why does Obama want a 40% tax on aspirin?
A. Because it's white, and it works.
A. Because it's white, and it works.
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