Showing posts with label Obama Misc.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Obama Misc.. Show all posts
Old Butch
John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets," and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time. To make things easier, he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen. But this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all.
Concerned, he went to investigate. John saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, had sufficent warning, and had time to run for cover.
To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. Old Butch was able to sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one, without any warning.
John was so proud of old Butch, he decided to enter him in the Renfrew County Fair. He quickly became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The judges loved Old Butch so much they awarded old Butch "the No Bell Piece Prize" and also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise."
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
Vote carefully every election, the bells are not always audible.
Thanks Chappy!
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time. To make things easier, he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen. But this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all.
Concerned, he went to investigate. John saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, had sufficent warning, and had time to run for cover.
To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. Old Butch was able to sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one, without any warning.
John was so proud of old Butch, he decided to enter him in the Renfrew County Fair. He quickly became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The judges loved Old Butch so much they awarded old Butch "the No Bell Piece Prize" and also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise."
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
Vote carefully every election, the bells are not always audible.
Thanks Chappy!
Obama and the Peace Prize
"President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The committee said they gave it gave it to Obama partly for his idealism and commitment to global cooperation, but mostly for calling Kanye West a jackass."
-Conan O'Brien
-Conan O'Brien
Why did Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?
Q. Why did Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he was running out of George Bush jokes.
Q. Why did David Letterman vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he was running out of Jay Leno's George Bush jokes.
A. Because he was running out of George Bush jokes.
Q. Why did David Letterman vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he was running out of Jay Leno's George Bush jokes.
Why is Obama so Scrawny?
Q. Why is Barack Obama so thin and scrawny?
A. If he were any heavier he wouldn’t be able to walk on water.
A. If he were any heavier he wouldn’t be able to walk on water.
Lemon Picker
A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this; "Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Plymouths, and I voted for Obama."
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this; "Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Plymouths, and I voted for Obama."
The Robot Bartender
A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"
The man thought a moment then replied, "A martini please."
The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.
The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"
The man answered "oh, about 164."
The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity, inter-steller space travel, the latest medical break throughs, etc.
The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A Martini please."
Again it was superb. The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?"
This time the man answered, "Oh about 100". So the robot started discussing Nascar racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this weekend.
The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool. Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ??"
This time the man drawled out "Uh, 'bout 50."
The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked,
"A-r-e y-o-u s-t-i-l-l g-l-a-d y-o-u v-o-t-e-d f-o-r O-B-A-M-A?"
The man thought a moment then replied, "A martini please."
The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.
The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"
The man answered "oh, about 164."
The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity, inter-steller space travel, the latest medical break throughs, etc.
The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A Martini please."
Again it was superb. The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?"
This time the man answered, "Oh about 100". So the robot started discussing Nascar racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this weekend.
The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool. Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ??"
This time the man drawled out "Uh, 'bout 50."
The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked,
"A-r-e y-o-u s-t-i-l-l g-l-a-d y-o-u v-o-t-e-d f-o-r O-B-A-M-A?"
Barocky Road
Baskin Robbins is introducing a new ice cream in honor of President Obama, "Barocky Road." It’s half vanilla, half chocolate, surrounded by fruits and nuts, leaves you hungry, because it's full of so much air.
Obama Falls in a Creek
Barack Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, “I want to go to Disneyland “
Barack said, “No problem, I”ll take you there on my Airforce One airplane.”
The second kid said, “I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan”s shoes.”
Barack said, “I”ll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them!”
The third kid said, “ I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!”
Barack was a little perplexed by this and said, “But you don”t look like you”re handicapped.”
The kid said, “I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning!”
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, “I want to go to Disneyland “
Barack said, “No problem, I”ll take you there on my Airforce One airplane.”
The second kid said, “I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan”s shoes.”
Barack said, “I”ll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them!”
The third kid said, “ I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!”
Barack was a little perplexed by this and said, “But you don”t look like you”re handicapped.”
The kid said, “I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning!”
Obama Stamp
Did you hear about new Presidential postage ostage stamp of Obama?
It seems there are a lot of complaints about it not sticking to an envelope because people keep spitting on the wrong side.
It seems there are a lot of complaints about it not sticking to an envelope because people keep spitting on the wrong side.
What’s the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
Q: What’s the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.
A: Bo has papers.
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