Old Butch

John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets," and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time. To make things easier, he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen. But this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all.

Concerned, he went to investigate. John saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, had sufficent warning, and had time to run for cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. Old Butch was able to sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one, without any warning.

John was so proud of old Butch, he decided to enter him in the Renfrew County Fair. He quickly became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The judges loved Old Butch so much they awarded old Butch "the No Bell Piece Prize" and also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise."

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?

Vote carefully every election, the bells are not always audible.

Thanks Chappy!

The Robot Bartender

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"

The man thought a moment then replied, "A martini please."

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.

The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"

The man answered "oh, about 164."

The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity, inter-steller space travel, the latest medical break throughs, etc.

The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A Martini please."

Again it was superb. The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?"

This time the man answered, "Oh about 100". So the robot started discussing Nascar racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this weekend.

The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool. Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ??"

This time the man drawled out "Uh, 'bout 50."

The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked,

"A-r-e y-o-u s-t-i-l-l g-l-a-d y-o-u v-o-t-e-d f-o-r O-B-A-M-A?"

Indian Chief “Two Eagles”

Indian Chief, “Two Eagles,” was asked by a white government official, “You have observed the white man for 90 years. You’ve seen his wars and his technological
advances. You’ve seen his progress, and the damage he’s done.”

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, “Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?”

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. “When white man find land, Indians running it. No taxes, No debt, Plenty
buffalo, plenty beaver, Clean Water; women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.”

Then the chief leaned back and smiled. “Only white man dumb enough to think he can
improve system like that.”