Making Fun of Liberals

There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington this year.

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States Capital this Christmas season.

This isn't for any religious reason; they simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's Capital

A search for a Virgin continues.

There was no problem, however, in finding enough asses to fill the stable.

John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets," and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time. To make things easier, he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen. But this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all.

Concerned, he went to investigate. John saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, had sufficent warning, and had time to run for cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. Old Butch was able to sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one, without any warning.

John was so proud of old Butch, he decided to enter him in the Renfrew County Fair. He quickly became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The judges loved Old Butch so much they awarded old Butch "the No Bell Piece Prize" and also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise."

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?

Vote carefully every election, the bells are not always audible.

Thanks Chappy!

"President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The committee said they gave it gave it to Obama partly for his idealism and commitment to global cooperation, but mostly for calling Kanye West a jackass."

-Conan O'Brien

Q. Why did Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he was running out of George Bush jokes.

Q. Why did David Letterman vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he was running out of Jay Leno's George Bush jokes.

Just wanted to let you know I received my Obama stimulus package in the mail this morning. It contained watermelon seeds, cornbread mix and ten coupons to KFC. The directions were in Spanish.

Q. Why is Barack Obama so thin and scrawny?

A. If he were any heavier he wouldn’t be able to walk on water.

A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this; "Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Plymouths, and I voted for Obama."

Four doctors were sitting around chatting.

The French doctor says:
Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.

The German doctor says:
That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.

The Russian soctor says:
In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.

The American doctor, not to be outdone, says:
You guys are way behind - we recently took a man with no brains out of Illinois, put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work.

Thanks Chappy!

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"

The man thought a moment then replied, "A martini please."

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.

The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"

The man answered "oh, about 164."

The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity, inter-steller space travel, the latest medical break throughs, etc.

The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A Martini please."

Again it was superb. The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?"

This time the man answered, "Oh about 100". So the robot started discussing Nascar racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this weekend.

The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool. Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ??"

This time the man drawled out "Uh, 'bout 50."

The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked,

"A-r-e y-o-u s-t-i-l-l g-l-a-d y-o-u v-o-t-e-d f-o-r O-B-A-M-A?"

Via

Question: What is the difference between Liberalism and Communism?

Answer: The Communist admit it.

Question: How much does a Liberal cost?
Answer: Nothing, Liberals have no values.

Question: How many Liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: It takes ten, nine to deny that darkness exists and one to hire a Republican to change it.

Question: What’s the difference between an Iraq terrorist and a liberal?
Answer: The Iraq terrorist makes fewer demands.

Question: How do you confuse a liberal?
Answer: You don’t, they are born that way

Question: How do liberals brain cells die?
Answer: Lonely.

Question: What’s the difference between Carville and a bald monkey?
Answer: A sports jacket.

Question: What is the difference between Carville and a catfish?
Answer: One’s a scum sucking bottom dweller and ones a fish.

Question: Why can’t liberals find facts?
Answer: They aren’t looking for any.

Question: If you were in a room with Hitler, Mussolini and Carville and you only had two bullets what should you do?
Answer: Shoot Carville twice.

Last week Obama’s library burnt down and it burnt BOTH of his books.

One hadn’t even been colored in!